This question is always coming up when you lost in your journey of life. Especially when everything is not going as plan. Let’s put everything into perceptive, shall we?
I’m 34. Meaning, apparently, “you are no longer young”. Beyond the point of frivolous, high-energy, irresponsible teen-age and 20-something freedom. Young only in comparison with people of 40s and above — a dreary lot, toward which you see yourself heading, and don’t like the prospect.
Single or Unmarried. Meaning, apparently, Lonely. Unloved. Isolated. Unwanted. Unimportant. Perhaps, Rejected. Not part of a Family.
Unhappy with my job. Meaning, apparently, Going Nowhere. Underpaid. Bored. Unchallenged. Perhaps, Falling Behind Others. Overlooked. Accomplishing nothing. Unappreciated. Directionless.
Do these descriptors more or less summarize your feelings? Hence, your question?
A great many people cross the boundary into their 30s, then stop to take a look, and conclude that they have not accomplished much of anything. That their life is out of control, and aimless. That they are not only headed for obscurity, but that they have already reached it.
They don’t like what they see of their lives: “over 30, unmarried, unhappy”. They ask “What should I do now?”
One answer — the easiest — is “run away”.
Your formulation of that is “quit everything and move”.
Where? And Why?
What do you think that would accomplish? Won’t make you any younger. Won’t get you married, or less lonely. Worse, in fact, because you would be in a strange environment, among strangers.
Won’t improve your job situation or career outlook. Worse, in fact, because you won’t have any job at all, or any income. And having left your job, with no significant accomplishments, won’t make it any easier to get a new and better job. Nor are you likely to get any good references from your current bosses.
But if you can’t run away, then you have to stay where you are.
Not so good. In fact, lots of 30-somethings get feeling Trapped. Hopeless. Failed. Purposeless. Need a Change.
Thus, more or less as an act of desperation, they find the next available female and get married. Probably giving her some immediate relief, because she had been worrying about being past 30, childless, with her biological clock ticking.
And, again more or less in desperation, finding another job. Possibly not too difficult to get a new posting. In fact, a lot easier than it will be to get the next new job after that, which will be unbelievably difficult to obtain.
And what do you think is likely to happen, if you pursue such a program?
Let me guess. Generally not too long after about the second kid is born, one finds it has been a dull, unsatisfying marriage. Mortgage payments. High property taxes. Big payments on the BMW. Escalating costs for the kids, eventually a monumental problem with college expenses. No career progress. Still underpaid and unappreciated.
Still trapped. Way worse than before.
Thinking again about running away. Alas, an even worse outlook than before.
Back to reality. Maybe not a good idea just to get married, and hunt for a new job. Must have made a mistake, somewhere a long time ago.
Maybe so, but the past is written in stone. Can’t change that.
So you cast about, and ask some strangers “What Should I do?”.
Well, since you asked, I think you need to make some changes in yourself. The problems you are feeling are not defects with your job or your employer. Not with a world which is indifferent to you. Not with the “right woman” who has eluded you.
Instead, it’s most likely you. Your life feels out of control, because you have not taken control of your life, and made it fulfilling. My guess is that you have, like so many people, mainly just let things happen for you, and have “gone with the flow”.
Probably the first thing you need to do is to take your job much more seriously. It is not just a place where you show up five days a week, do what you’re told, and collect a paycheck every so often. If you think other people are pulling ahead of you, then that is probably because they are. They are taking the work much more seriously than you, to their benefit.
This answer can’t be a primer on how to be more effective in your job, but that is a topic which deserves much more attention and effort from you.
Similarly for your social life, in particular marriage and family. You won’t get there, in any long-term effective way, by parties and beach weekends and casual rolls in the hay and dating the trophy babes with the biggest boobs. What are you doing to prepare yourself for actually being a good husband, a homeowner, and a family man?
Again, this answer cannot be a primer on how one matures into preparation for becoming a responsible husband and father. There is, however, a great deal of published information about that, and lots of “older” people willing to give counsel and advice. (Don’t waste your time with the cynics.)
Passing 30 does not mean you are past the point of learning, changing, developing, and maturing. Offhand, it appears to me that you have a considerable need for all of these. And that kind of growth will resolve all those other feelings you seem to be having — in a far better manner, than trying to run away from your problems.
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